Seven Deadlies
by Downside-Left
Summary: A look at the Seven Deadly Sins in Firefly. Multiple sins per character, multiple characters per sin. Drabble-y. Spoilers for TV series and movie, no comics. Better summary inside.
1. I Wish That Was Me

Disclaimer: not mine at all

Title: Seven Deadlies

A/N: So I did Seven Deadly Sins for BTVS-'verse a while back, and I had SO MUCH FUN that I decided to do the same thing for FIREFLY! Multiple sins per character, multiple characters per sin. Drabble-y. Spoilers for TV series and movie, no comics.

Chapter 1: I Wish That Was Me (Envy)

…

_Simon, pre-Jaynestown_

I really like Kaylee. Like, really a lot. I'm just not sure how to tell her, or how to show her. I mean, I'm polite, and courteous, but I don't think she… realizes what it means.

There are days I wish I could just… I don't know, be like the Captain, or Wash. Not Jayne. He's too horrific. But, they seem to know how to deal with girls. Or, women, I guess.

OK, Mal clearly has no idea what to do about Inara, but I think he knows what to do in general. I have no clue. I was so focused on the MedAcad that I never had much time for… dating.

Don't get me wrong, I've dated before. I've been with women _that way_, just not that often. There were more important things. I never had that much time for a social life.

Now I wish I had.

I really, _really_ like her. Kaylee's… she's smart, and beautiful, and sweet, and everything I could ever want in a girl. But I don't know how to tell her that.

I'm not… good with words. I can't tell her how I feel without being an idiot and sticking my foot in my mouth. It's why I haven't tried. I know it'll end badly. I'm not that guy.

I wish that was me.

...

_Zoë, post-Movie_

I miss him. I miss my Wash so much it makes me physically sick sometimes. At first, I thought it was because I might be pregnant. But I'm not. That kind of makes it worse.

He's gone. Forever and ever. I'll never see him again.

What makes it _even worse_? Simon and Kaylee. Mal and Inara.

They're all… couple-y. Simon and Kaylee are so much worse than Mal and Inara. Those two at least are still awkwardly dancing around the possibility of anything. But Simon and Kaylee?

They're… together. All the time. Trying to separate them is like trying to separate Jayne from Vera, or his grenades, during a firefight. It just can't be done.

And it makes me so mad, because I've lost the man I love. I will be alone forever. I'll never find another Wash. He's gone, and it cuts like a knife.

I hate them, sometimes. For being so happy. So nauseatingly happy.

I wish that was me.

...

_Wash, War Stories_

I love my wife. I really do. And I trust her more than I've ever trusted anyone before, or ever will trust anyone.

But there are times she's the most infuriating person I've ever met.

Her blind faith in the Captain, and the way she just does whatever he says without question makes me crazy. It's like she doesn't have a mind of her own sometimes.

She doesn't listen to me that way. I'm not saying I want someone who just does whatever I say all the time. But I do want someone who respects my opinions, and who respects me as much as she respects Mal. Who actually listens to me, and… Argh. I don't really know what I want. I do know that I don't really like how things are going right now. I would love it if she listened to my opinions sometimes.

And the way they tell those war stories kind of gets to me. They're all tough, and ass-kicking, and all that stuff. And I'm really not tough, or an ass-kicker. It makes me feel… incompetent.

After all, I am a large, semi-muscular man! I can take anything they throw at me.

Well, maybe not torture. The torture isn't really… a good thing, you know? But Mal could handle it. He's… tough. I'm really not.

I wish that was me.

...

_Kaylee, Heart of Gold_

I like these girls. They're real nice, and they're not all sticks-in-the-mud about sex and physical stuff. Not like _some_.

And they're real pretty, too.

They're a lot like 'Nara, if a bit less fancy and Core-planet-y. But I like that about them. They're more relatable, I guess. I know that 'Nara sometimes intimidates people. But she's real sweet.

I wish I could be like her sometimes. 'Specially when I'm tryin' to impress a certain Core Doctor who's kind of a stick-in-the-mud about sex and relationships.

I bet Inara could snap him out of that stuffy-reserved-thing he's got goin'. I bet she could… well.

You know what I mean.

I wish that was me.

...

_Mal, Shindig_

OK, aside from the fact that this _hun dan_ is treatin' 'Nara like crap, he's just pissin' me off in general. Nobody should treat people like that, 'specially not a classy lady like Inara. Yes, I may call her a whore all the time, and to her face, but I'm the only one who gets to do that!

I'm insulting her profession; he's insulting _her_. And there's a world of difference.

He might kill me tomorrow. Fact, he probably will. And I don't want her goin' with him.

But, he can afford to give her the life she deserves. I… All I can give her is a cramped shuttle on a dirty old ship.

OK, _Serenity_ ain't dirty. She's a damn good ship. But Inara deserves so much more than anything I can give her. Not that… not that I have any right to give her anything. I don't want to, either.

Ah, damn it.

I hate that _hun dan_. He's got everything she could ever want. If he makes an offer to her, she'll probably take it. And there ain't a damn thing I can do about it.

He has everything. He's gonna get the most beautiful woman in the 'verse.

I wish that was me.

...

_River, Objects in Space_

They think in straight lines. This leads to this leads to this. They don't see the fluctuations and permutations and twists and bends and the unexpected turns that fling you into walls.

Their thoughts don't hurt their heads. Their eyes only see what is there, and they can only hear real, honest-to-Buddha sounds.

They don't see the impossibilities, and the probabilities, and the certainties. They don't hear every little thought around them. They don't even hear all their own thoughts. They think they only think one thing at a time. They don't hear all of their thoughts at once, all the random tangents and side-trips and one-notes about nothing relevant. Their thoughts hurt the inside of her head, and she doesn't know how they can function with all that noise.

Simon especially thinks in very linear patterns. Very doctor-y. Very Simon-like. He always thought this way, even before the Academy with the Hands of Blue and needles and tests and questions and cold rooms and empty spaces and…. But she tries not to think about that. No. _I_ try not to think about that. The Academy ruined everything. It ruined Simon's life, even though he didn't go there. He wasn't experimented on, turned into a doll that turns into an assassin. Not like me.

There's no girl left anymore. Not like everybody else.

I wish that was me.

...

A/N: So… how was that? The next sin up is PRIDE! Any suggestions for who best fits PRIDE? Read/review, please! And keep in mind that since Firefly got cancelled so _freakin'_ early, there aren't that many episodes to get inspiration from, so some of these may be a bit repetitive (or redundant), and I may use the same episode for a character like six times (think Wash in War Stories, mostly because that's really the only ep where he's a major character). So… sorry in advance. XD


	2. It's Such A Long Fall

Disclaimer: still not mine

A/N: Here's PRIDE! Hope you like it! And thanks to everybody who reviewed, you guys make my life!

Chapter 2: It's Such a Long Fall (Pride)

…

_Jayne, Ariel_

Now, I ain't never been called the brains of the operation. I'm the muscle. And I'm damn content bein' the muscle. The brains of the outfit is the one who gets caught.

I should've remembered that.

I shouldn't've called the damn Feds. How in the _tyen shiao duh_ did I ever think I'd get away with this?

Sometimes I got my head so far up my _pi gu_ that I do stupid things like this, and I'm always surprised when it bites me on the ass.

Sweet Buddha, but sometimes I hate myself. Should've used my damn head for somethin' other than a place to put my hat.

Never trust a Fed. They'll turn on you, and you end up fallin' down, and nobody'll help you up, cuz you sold 'em out.

It's such a long fall.

...

_Simon, Movie_

This is my fault. Everything that's happened to River, to the crew… it's my fault.

I should never have let her go to the Academy. I should've gotten her out faster; I should've… done something.

And then, when I _did_ get her out, what did I do to help her? Nothing. I sat around, mooning after Kaylee, and wasting time breaking into hospitals. I should've been trying to save her. Trying to fix her. But no, I just _failed_ as a brother, and as a protector, and at life.

And now we're here, in this stupid hallway… thing. I think I'm dying. Kaylee's paralyzed, Wash is dead, and we're all going to die in a few minutes. And River is being torn apart by the Reavers right now.

I'm bleeding kind of a lot. Blood loss is starting to affect my brain. I don't think this is good. But I deserve it. My stupid pride put me here. I thought I could help, I thought I could save her.

Clearly I can't. Clearly I'm just a big failure, and now I'm falling into a big black sucking pit. Is this dying? It doesn't hurt. I thought it would.

It's such a long fall.

...

_Zoë, The Message_

All those years ago, when Tracey was just the dumb kid who didn't know how to protect himself from the Alliance soldiers, I was… disdainful, I guess? I thought he was an idiot, and that he'd likely get himself killed.

Never thought I'd be one of the ones to shoot him. Now, I may not have actually killed him (that was Mal), but I helped. I shot him first. Granted, he shot Wash, so I don't really feel too bad about shootin' him, but….

I'm supposed to be the one with the eyes. I've got to spot the potential trouble, before everybody else. I never pegged Tracey as trouble. Not once.

And he almost got everybody killed. He shot Wash, he threatened Kaylee.

I got cocky. I thought I'd be able to take on anyone, anytime. And I wasn't watching Tracey.

I kept thinking of him as that stupid kid at the Battle of Du-Khang, when he couldn't even eat without almost gettin' killed. But he's not that kid anymore.

I mean, he was still stupid, but he wasn't incompetent anymore. He… he could've pulled it off.

And I almost didn't stop it, because I was so proud of my brains and my eyes and my ability to catch trouble before it starts. My stupid pride.

It's such a long fall.

…

_Book, pilot_

My arrogance nearly got that poor girl killed. My God-cursed pride, thinking that I knew best. That I knew how to function out here, that I knew who to trust.

I know that Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, and believe me, I _know_ Pride. Pride and Wrath are my deepest failings. I try not to think too hard about that anymore, though.

I have become a man of God, now. I should be beyond these sins. But Pride continually trips me up, even more than Wrath.

Give me time, though. I'll likely succumb to Wrath just as quickly as I did Pride.

I must discard sin. I am a man of God, I am a good person, and I should be able to live a godly, sin-free life. Even out here, in the Black, where I used to….

No. No, I have grown and changed. I am not that man any longer. I am a stronger man than I was.

I have to try to beat this. I have to atone for everything that I've done, and to do that, I cannot give in to sin.

Especially not Pride.

It's such a long fall.

...

_Wash, War Stories_

_Gorram_ it. This is all my fault. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could be the tough guy, go with Mal on a job and be the hero.

And now I'm getting tortured.

Tortured!

I would like to officially go on record as saying I don't like torture. It's not fun. Makes me say crazy things I don't mean.

No way I'd ever let Zoë and Mal… I mean, not that I _let_ Zoë… I mean… ah, hell.

Anyway, my point is, this is my fault. I put myself in this stupid mess. If Zoë had been here with Mal, she wouldn't have let them get caught. She's smart like that.

I'm not saying I'm stupid. Quite the opposite. It takes skill to fly a big ole boat like _Serenity_. Not just anybody can do that.

But I'm not smart like Zoë and the Captain. And I thought I was. And now we're falling off a cliff towards some spiky rocks that'll splatter our brains everywhere.

Metaphorically speaking, I mean.

It's such a long fall.

…

_Inara, Movie_

I'm an idiot. I am such an idiot. I should never have left _Serenity_. I shouldn't have left him. Them. The crew. That's what I meant.

And now there's some psychotic bastard with _swords_ here, and he's forcing me to get Mal here so that he can kill my – I mean, the Captain.

If I had just… talked to him. Not the crazy-man. Mal. If I had just talked to Mal before, back on the ship, or at the Heart of Gold… maybe we wouldn't be in this stupid mess.

He can't come. He can't. If he does he'll get killed. I lo– _care_ about him too much to watch that happen. Care. Care is what I meant to say all along.

No, really. I mean it.

No I didn't. Oh, I don't know. I can't even form a coherent thought lately. My stomach is all twisted up with anxiety and… other emotions that I don't want to name right now.

But now my arrogance, my _gorram_ pride, is going to get him killed. And if he dies… if he dies I'll lose myself.

It's such a long fall.

...

_Mal, Shindig_

Oh, _wo de ma_. This is not a good thing. This is, by definition, a bad thing. Look up 'a bad thing' in the dictionary, there's a picture of this situation. And the Alliance. But, anyway.

I've got myself trapped in this stupid, stupid, _stupid_ duel, and it'll probably kill me.

And why? Because I was an idiot, and I thought I could handle myself in a situation that was _clearly_ too deep for me.

At least, that's what she'd say.

_I_ say it's because I was an idiot and he's a sneaky evil _hun dan_ and he's gonna get what's coming to him tomorrow!

It's probably a combination of the two. With Inara's interpretation being more right than mine.

Either way, I was an idiot and it's my own damn fault, and if I die tomorrow then… well, I kind of had it comin'.

My own damn pride is gonna bite me on the ass, and then kick me off the cliff.

It's such a long fall.

...

_River, Movie_

Her pride and arrogance brought her here. She thought she was gifted, talented, brilliant. Turns out she was just a tool for the Blue Hands, just a doll for them to dress up and dance around and turn into a killer. They don't want her to be a girl; they want her to be a weapon. They don't care that she just wanted to be a girl, to meet a boy and fall into a chemically-induced state of imbalance that doesn't end with bloody hands and lights going dark.

She's a killer now. She can't be herself. Herself is gone. Herself is dead. All that's left is the weapon, with only a few traces of the girl left.

It's a fitting punishment, she supposes. For her arrogance and pride. It's her own fault. No matter how far she falls, she deserves it. But….

It's such a long fall.

...

A/N: Yay! That's another chapter! Next sin up is WRATH! And I swiped the Chinese-swears from the series. _Hun dan_ is 'bastard', and _tyen shiao duh_ is 'name of all that's sacred'. And I tried and tried, for like ten minutes, to think of a PRIDE-moment for Kaylee, and I couldn't think of a damn thing. So, just like there ain't a power in the 'verse can stop Kaylee from bein' cheerful, there ain't one that can make her proud. Or I'm just stupid and I missed one.


	3. Imminent Violence

Disclaimer: it's still not mine.

A/N: Here's WRATH! There's a whole lotta Mal in this one, because he embodies WRATH so perfectly. Plus, I couldn't decide which one to use. SO I USED THEM ALL! Also, sorry it took like two weeks to get this out. Real-Life intervened with a wondrous kick to the face (not literally) in the form of a COMPUTER VIRUS that wiped out ALL MY FILES so I had to re-write this FROM SCRATCH, and then I managed to get the original back and then I had to blend the two, so it took a while. ARGH.

Chapter 3: Imminent Violence (Wrath)

…

_Jayne, Jaynestown_

It don't make no sense. That mudder was just a kid. And now he's… he's dead. I don't understand it.

It ain't that I don't understand that he's dead, or how. I get that. That's violence. Violence is understandable.

It's the 'why' that I can't understand. Why the hell did that mudder have to jump in front of me?

I had to kill Stitch after that. No way to avoid it. Not that I wanted to avoid it. But…. It still doesn't make sense.

I saw that mudder kid lyin' on the ground and I just… I just _saw red_, and I had to kill that _hun dan_.

This is one of those deep-thinkin' situations. I don't go for these that often. It ain't that I'm dumb, I just don't like sittin' around on my ass thinkin' all day when there's lots more useful stuff to do. S'why I didn't get schoolin'. S'why I go for the violence all the time.

Violence is… I guess it's understandable? That ain't really the word, but it'll do. I _get_ violence. I get violent, and I know why I do it. Plus, it gets results right away. Not like thinkin'. That just gets you a headache.

That kid sacrificed himself for me. That ain't really somethin' I can get just now. The violence afterwards? _That_ I got. That, I'm used to.

I love me some imminent violence.

...

_Simon, Safe (flashback section)_

I don't understand.

He's her _father_. Parents are supposed to protect their children. They're supposed to drop everything and come running when their daughter is in trouble.

And he just….

He was at a dinner. A dinner. And that's more important than River's life?

I literally cannot wrap my mind around this. When we were kids, he always seemed… well, kids idolize their parents. I know I did.

I don't anymore. I think I hate him. I think I hate my father.

Well, screw him. I'm going to get River out, no matter what he says, or thinks. She trusts me, she needs me. I'll get her out. No matter what happens.

_Go se_, there's going to be imminent violence, isn't there?

...

_Zoë, Movie_

The Reavers took Wash from me. They took my everything. I'll never find another guy like him. He was one in a million. With his shadow puppets and his goofy Hawaiian shirts….

Nobody else ever made me laugh as much as he did. Nobody else ever made me… feel as much.

I'm going to kill every last one of these sons-of-bitches. They think they can do what they did and get away with it? That they won't get Hell itself raining down on them?

The only thing I feel is numb, except for a pit of hate in my stomach. I hate… everything. Everyone.

I hate the Reavers. I hate Mal for dragging me away from Wash. I hate Kaylee for noticing Wash wasn't here. I hate Simon for finally telling Kaylee how he feels. I hate River for dragging us out here in the first place, and for falling apart now when we need her most. I hate Jayne for being practical and calm (relatively speaking) during all this shitstorm. I hate Inara for _actually_ being practical and calm. And I hate Wash for dying, for leaving me here, alone, without him, forever.

I feel the need for imminent violence.

...

_Book, Movie_

They dare. They dare to attack this place? We are a holy order, we are peaceful, we never harm a single living being.

They cut down children, innocent civilians.

I made a promise to myself when I left _Serenity_. I promised myself that I would no longer give in to these sins, to Pride and Wrath.

I don't care anymore. That promise is irrelevant. Those… those _hun dans_ are killing us.

But they won't kill us if I kill them first.

I will take on the guilt of my sins again if it means protecting my people, my family. My crew. I'm turning into the Captain, aren't I?

Well, in that case…

Best prepare for imminent violence.

...

_Wash, Out of Gas_

There's no way anyone will hear this message. We're out in the middle of nowhere, _like he wanted_, for just that reason. So nobody will find us.

And now Zoë might die because of it.

If she dies I will never forgive Mal.

I know it's not entirely his fault (I know it objectively, anyway). It's not his fault the engine caught fire. Well, if he'd bought a new compression coil… but that's because we're broke. Which is kinda his fault too… he's the Captain, he's supposed to get us jobs.

I need to stop blaming Mal. I'm only doing it so I don't blame myself. Or Zoë. Who might die.

If she does, there will be imminent violence.

...

_Kaylee, Bushwhacked_

Alrighty, aside from the whole Feds-invading-the-ship, Reavers-possibly-going-to-come-back, Simon-and-River-maybe-being-caught thing, there's one thing that's really just buggin' the hell outta me.

That Fed. He said… he said that _Serenity_ was a piece of _luh-suh_!

Is he stupid? Fed-ships are garbage! They'd fall out of the sky if it wasn't for their _armies_ of mechanics workin' _all the time _to keep 'em up!

Although, if I'm bein' truthsome, they likely don't do more 'n give it a lick and a promise. Fed-techs are like that. S'why Fed-ships have so many problems.

I betcha _they_ wouldn't be able to keep _Serenity_ up for more 'n a day. _Serenity_'s a damn good ship, but it takes know-how and skill to keep her goin'. And they don't have _any_!

_Hun-dan._ He says anything like that again, I'll probably start actin' like Jayne.

Imminent violence and all.

...

_Inara, Our Mrs. Reynolds_

I'm not sure which is worse: the fact that he's married, the fact that he's going to get rid of her, or the fact that he married someone who's not m–

Um, ignore that last part.

My point is, he got saddled with a wife, which is bad enough. But now he's just going to dump her on some backwoods world? That's not fair to the… poor thing….

We're going to disregard the fact that I hate her and wish she had never been born.

I may hate Saffron, but I also kind of hate Mal for sticking us all in this… wonderful situation.

He'd better resolve it. And he'd better resolve it right, not by abandoning her somewhere. Even if she deserves it. And he can't keep her. He can't.

If he doesn't do what he should, I will have to resort to imminent violence.

...

_River, Movie_

Simon. Is dying.

Things that were muddy and ripple-y and bendy become clear and sparkly-clean. For now, at least. She can see straight, and shut out the sounds of the need to rip and tear and rape and kill.

Because she will kill them.

Because they are killing Simon.

Simon. Her – _my_ – brother. My brother is dying because I can't fight the Reavers back.

So I _will_ fight them back, and I will save Simon like he has tried again and again to save me. To put me back together.

_I_ may be broken beyond all hope of repair, for ever and for always, but that doesn't mean that he has to be. I can save him. No matter the cost.

And here comes the imminent violence….

...

_Mal, pilot_

Feds and Reavers and Core-planet doctors. This has been a hell of a day, hasn't it.

Thought we were gonna die more than once. Practically the whole time, if I'm bein' honest. Which, you know, is rare for me.

Makes me wonder, though.

If Kaylee _had_ died, would I have kicked the Doc and his sister out before we hit Whitefall? Part of me says 'hell yes' with no hesitation. Kaylee's crew. She's family.

But what the hell kind of a man throws two kids out the airlock? Because that's what they are. They're just kids. And she's a crazy-kid, wanted by the Alliance.

Maybe that's why I didn't kick them out. To piss on the Feds. Might not be too smart of me, but there y'are. I like pissin' off the Alliance too much.

It brings on imminent violence, which I just love.

...

_Mal, Out of Gas_

Those _hun dans_ think they can take my ship? They think that they can just… sweep in and snatch _Serenity_ out from under me?

Takes more than a bullet to the gut to stop me. Hell of a lot more.

OK, this might slow me down, but it damn well won't stop me. I'm gonna fix my damn ship, and call the others back. And you know how I'm gonna do that, even as I'm bleedin' out?

I'm gonna do it cuz I'm ticked off.

I made a deal with those_ ben tian sheng de yi dui rou_, and they didn't follow through.

So once the ship is fixed, and the crew's back, we're gonna hunt those bastards down, and we're gonna make them eat lead.

The promise of imminent violence should keep back the passing-out.

...

_Mal, Ariel_

I ain't a complicated man. I like my ship, and my brown coat, and my gun. I like my crew (for the most part). I like flyin' _Serenity_ wherever the work takes us.

What I do _not_ like is when one of my crew turns on the rest. That's not acceptable.

I know that Jayne was just being… Jayne. He's a horrific idiot, and he doesn't understand the concept of loyalty. Not really, anyway.

But I don't think I'll ever forgive him for this. I know I'll never trust him as much as I did before. Granted, I didn't trust him all that much anyways, but it's even less now.

River and Simon are basically kids. 'Specially our little moonbrain-girl. They need protectin'. Doc's gettin' better about it, but not River.

So when somebody threatens my crew?

Imminent violence is the only answer.

...

_Mal, The Message_

Tracey was just a kid. A stupid kid, in over his head. And I had to kill him.

He was gonna hurt Kaylee, which is really just askin' for death on this ship. But… but I genuinely liked him. He was a good kid, if really not all that talented in the thinkin' department.

I hate Womack for puttin' us in this fix. And I hate Tracey for makin' me have to shoot him. I hate this whole situation.

Nothin's working out the way it should.

Tracey should've found some kind of decent work (not necessarily legal), and then earned enough to get his folks off St. Alban's. He shouldn't've been shot in the heart.

Not by me. I carried that kid out of Hell itself, literally, and now I've killed him.

If I'm gonna be truthsome, I'm gettin' sick of all this imminent violence.

...

_Mal, Heart of Gold_

Nandi's dead.

Burgess killed Nandi.

I'm gonna kill that sonuvabitch. Nobody can kill my friends and get away with it. 'Specially not that _hun dan_.

I didn't love Nandi. Not like I– well, that's not the point. The point is, I didn't love her the way I love somebody else. But I liked her. Respected her.

And now she's dead.

Burgess is a dead man. I'm gonna rip his lungs out and shove 'em down his throat.

Preacher-man says that Wrath's one a' them Seven Deadlies, that we should resist and not give in to sin and temptation or some _go se_.

The hell with that. It's imminent violence time.

...

_Mal, post-Movie_

I see that man again, I'm gonna kill him. I will rip his head off. I ain't kidding.

It's his fault Book's dead. It's his fault Wash is gone. He murdered children, innocent people.

I know I should be seein' red, and ready to punch a wall. It's what I usually do. Fact, I think I'm scarin' the crew with how not-visibly-enraged I am.

But… I'm so tired. I'm so tired of fightin' everything and everyone. But I guess that doesn't matter. The whole 'verse is about to explode after the Miranda broadcast. Civil war. Again.

I should be happy that the Alliance is havin' troubles. I should be pedal-to-the-metal (whatever that means) on the way to the nearest rebellion spot to help out.

But even the thought of another war just makes me… I don't know.

Maybe I'm so mad I finally wore myself out with it. Maybe I'm finally growin' as a person.

Hell, I doubt it.

Bet we'll have some imminent violence soon.

But I ain't really lookin' forward to it.

...

A/N: Whole lotta Mal, like I said. Next up is GLUTTONY! Chinese-swears are: _qing wa cao de liu mang_ (frog-humping son of a bitch), _ben tian sheng de yi dui rou_ (stupid inbred sack of meat), _luh-suh_ (shit, I think) and _go se_ (crap). And, in case anybody's still reading/caring about this fic, it'll probably be a while before I update again. As I said, Real Life is a bitch, and it's got me in a headlock. I'm less than thrilled, but oh well.


	4. What I Want Most

Disclaimer: it's still not mine. As ever, Joss is Boss

A/N: It's GLUTTONY! And also, thanks to everyone who reviews/favorites/alerts! I may not respond, because I have so much shit going on, but I appreciate every single one of ya's. Also-also, I'm SO SORRY it took me like-forever to get this out, especially since it's a bit… lackluster. Real Life is a bitch, I'll tell ya. But, positive note, it seems to be slacking off in the 'make-you-suffer' part, so the next few chapters COULD be out soonish! Could, I say.

Chapter 4: What I Want Most (Gluttony)

...

_Jayne, Out of Gas (flashback segment)_

So they say there's a fine line between bein' sneaky and bein' stupid. They also say there's a fine line between free en'erprise and turnin' on your crew.

Well, if they don't say that, they should. Sounds like somethin' they'd say.

Anyway, I ain't sayin' I liked my old crew. They were annoyin', and they smelled, and I had to share a bunk with one of 'em. That was just bad.

But hey, I'm a simple man, you know? I like to be paid, I like somewheres to sleep, and I like bein' on a boat that ain't the size of a shuttle.

So hell yes I turned on 'em. Mal and Zoë pay better, 'nd I got my own damn bunk in my own damn room. Like hell I'm goin' back.

This place is what I want most.

...

_Simon, Jaynestown_

I want to talk to her. I want to tell her how I feel….

But I can't.

Because I'm a 'stick-in-the-mud', like I heard her telling Inara. Because I want to show her that I respect her, and care about her, and maybe….

Maybe I more-than-care about her. I think I do.

Maybe, if I drink this… mudder's milk, or whatever the hell they call it… maybe then I'll be able to talk to her like a normal human being could.

If I can, then maybe I can find out if she… feels the same way about me.

If I can't even be this coherent in my own head, how am I supposed to talk to her and make sense?

At least I can try.

And no, she isn't really the girl that I saw myself with a year ago, before… things happened.

She's what I want most, though, so screw it.

...

_Zoë, post-Movie_

It's odd. I thought I'd be… broken, you know? My husband was killed in front of me. The man I love more than anything died.

But I don't feel anything.

At the time, I did. And I took it out on the Reavers. And then… then I kind of stopped.

I don't care anymore. I don't care about anything.

Well, that's not entirely true. I care when I kill things. When there's fighting to do.

And the feeling is… it's not good. At all. It's bad, but at least I'm feeling something again. At least I'm not numb. I just want to feel.

It's what I want most in the 'verse.

...

_Book, Movie_

These _hun dans_ think they can kill us? They think they can just… waltz in here and murder children? Innocents?

Not a chance in hell.

I've been killing them. I've been taking people's lives. God save me, but….

It felt almost right. It felt right to kill human beings.

Even before, when I was… what I was, it never felt _right_. Then it was, just a job, I suppose. Just what I had to do. So much simpler.

This feels good. Having this kind of power. I'd forgotten, or at least I'd told myself I'd forgotten. Power of life or death over another human being….

This power is intoxicating, liberating, mind-blowing.

This is the feeling I want most, before I die.

...

_Mal, Trash_

Finally! I finally get to stick it to that bitch. She thinks she can mess with my crew? HA. Not damn likely.

We always win.

Well, no, we don't, really. But, I mean, we do win, sometimes. Rarely. Well, when we win, we really do win! And… well, not really that either….

Aw, hell.

You know what I mean. Even if I don't, really.

But, my point is, I've been wantin' something like this to happen for a damn long while. A chance to get back at her, and to get the crew ahead. Maybe out of the red, for once.

And yes, it may very well blow up in my face. Hell, knowin' my luck, I'll end up on a spit over a bonfire. Fingers crossed I don't, but I likely might. Still….

What I want most is finally happening. Can't be bad, right?

...

_River, War Stories_

Thoughts became linear.

The drugs Simon stole-borrowed-snatched-took from the hospital helped her. Helped her see straight, hear less. Helped her be a girl again.

But the drugs wear off, and the bits come up, and chaos is come again.

She feels broken inside again. She'd felt… normal? She'd felt like a girl, like the girl she had been. Played with Kaylee. Ate an apple. Rolled her eyes at Jayne.

But all good things end. This ends with a spiraling descent back into the dark dank rooms where the Hands of Blue poke at her eyes and dig through her mind and heart.

And she can't help but think…

'_What she wants most, she cannot have._

'_What _I_ want most, _I_ cannot have.'_

...

A/N: So, it's _kind_ of GLUTTONY. I mean, it doesn't fit the narrowest definition of the word, but it sorta does. Next is SLOTH! Also, the next two are kind of short/lame, but I promise the last one will make up for all of it! Last one is LUST, and I'm pretty sure every single member of the crew will have somethin' to say (although maybe not Book, unless I really stretch the definition of LUST, or make somethin' up). So just hold on through the crappy-next-two for the slam-bang finish!


	5. I Can't Care

Disclaimer: not mine

A/N: Here's SLOTH! Except it's really more Apathy than SLOTH. And it's obnoxiously short, for which I apologize, but since only two people reviewed last time, I was sad, so this is it.

Chapter 5: I Can't Care (Sloth)

...

_Simon, Objects in Space_

For one moment, while the others are sitting around discussing what to do about River, I sit there and… and I agree with Jayne and the rest of them.

I am… I am just so tired. Of everything.

I love River. I really do. But sometimes I just can't do this anymore. I can't be a parent to her; I can't always be sacrificing my life, and my wants, for her.

Does that make me a terrible brother? It probably does. But I just can't care, for that one brief moment.

Pretty soon, I'll probably start caring again. But right now… for only one tiny little moment, I just don't give a damn.

I can't care.

...

_Zoë, post-Movie_

In between jobs, I don't feel anything.

Kaylee and River get up to silly antics, Jayne is horrific, Simon is awkward, and Mal sticks his foot in his mouth around Inara who just smiles.

And I just focus on the next five minutes.

If I think about anything more long-term than that, I'll fall apart. I don't have the time to fall apart, though. We have to keep flying.

I wish I could care. I wish I could let myself grieve for the death of one of the sweetest men who ever lived. I wish I could care that my Wash is dead, and that I will always be alone.

But caring will break me.

So I can't care.

...

_Book, pilot_

I saw the Captain shoot that man in cold blood. Part of me was shocked and appalled, and nauseated.

But part of me didn't care.

Part of me _approved_ of the decision. I thought that… that the Captain made the right choice. That he had to kill the man in order to save his crew.

And I _approved_ of the choice to take a human life.

I thought I had gotten past this, suppressed this part of my mind. I thought I had grown as a person. I thought I was trying to redeem myself.

But apparently, I cannot eradicate that aspect of myself. And the worst part is….

I cannot care.

...

_Inara, Movie_

Does it make me a terrible person if I shut down during moments of high-stress? Emotionally, I mean.

My friend can be bleeding out under my hands, as the man I think I love could be dying somewhere else, alone, and I don't feel a _gorram_ thing.

I imagine Zoë or Mal would say it's a good thing. Lets me stay calm under hellish circumstances.

But _I am_ my feelings. My feelings are everything to me, and this _not feeling_ is… it would scare me if I could feel fear right now.

But I can't feel fear. We're all going to die….

And I can't care.

...

_River, The Message_

She can feel the cold emptiness radiating from the coffin. It sings in her ears, whispering of sleep and rest and quiet safe darkness. It lulls her into a state of…

Is it apathy? It's so difficult for her to find words lately. Ever since the Academy with the Hands of Blue and the needles and the questions and the –

But the cold smooth apathy from the body-in-the-coffin washes away her memories of the Academy. Washes them clean, if only for a few moments.

And she is able to respond to the not-always-a-Preacher, and the man-ape-gone-wrong-thing, with the closest she has been to sanity in so long.

'I am very comfortable.'

The apathy from the body-in-the-coffin lets her hold to herself. She knows it's not healthy, this apathy. It's not the emptiness of the dead; more the uncaring of the sleeper.

But she cannot care.

...

A/N: I'm less than thrilled about this one. Couldn't get a Mal-section, which was annoying. Next up, GREED, which kinda sucks, but the last one will be awesome! Pretty please review?


	6. It's All Mine

Disclaimer: Joss est Boss. Joss è Boss. Joss es Boss. I don't know any other languages.

A/N: Because the last one was so freakin' short, I give you, right away, GREED! Second to last one. And even shorter than last time. Don't worry, next one will be awesome, I swear!

Chapter 6: It's All Mine (Greed)

…

_Jayne, Ariel_

I'm a moron. A class-A moron.

Mal's right. You call the Feds, you get pinched. But the money was too good, and I got stupid. Always seems to happen t' me. Motivated by money.

It's how I got this damn job in the first place. Workin' for Mal, I mean. He paid better 'n my old boss.

But the point is, I got damn greedy, and I called the Feds, and I got myself and those two idjits into that crap-heap of a mess.

Since I got stupid, I lost out on the money, and I lost Mal's trust. All I got left is… well, I got Vera, 'nd my grenades, 'nd a whole ass-load of self-hatin'.

And it's all mine.

…

_Simon, Ariel_

_Go se_. This is my fault. We got caught by the Feds because of me. I'm going to get River and Jayne killed.

OK, I don't care that much about Jayne, but if River dies because of me, I'm… I'm going to be a wreck.

I wish I'd never thought of this stupid plan. 'Oh yeah, we can just waltz into an Alliance-hospital, no problem. Let's just steal their meds and use their tech. It'll be _fine_.'

I was obsessed with finding answers for what was wrong with River. Trying to fix her. And now we're all going to die.

And whose fault is that?

It's all mine.

…

_Zoë, Heart of Gold_

More than anything, I want a child. I want to have a baby, with Wash.

The thought of that little boy or girl (I can't decide which one I want more) just… makes me feel more alive than anything else.

I wish Wash felt the same way. I know he _loves_ kids, and that he'd make an amazing father, but he's just focusing on the mundane things.

I'll think about that kind of thing when, and if, I ever get pregnant. For now, I just want to try to imagine that child, watching him or her grow up….

If Wash doesn't want to savor that feeling, I guess I'll have to do it for him.

And it'll be all mine.

…

_Mal, post-Movie_

When will these idjits understand?

This is _my_ ship. This is _my_ sky. They can't take my sky from me.

They can try. Well, I'd 'preciate it if they didn't, but since they can and do try, at least I always land on my feet. I'm like a cat, or somethin'.

My point is, I will always have _Serenity_, and my crew, and the endless Black. Feds can't take that. Reavers can't take it, renegade-Feds can't take it, hell, even random passing ships can't.

_Serenity_, the crew, and me, will always be flyin' through the Black. It's a damn fine life we got here, and there ain't nobody can take it from us.

From me.

Because it's all mine.

…

A/N: Ehh, not my favorite chapter, no River, kinda lame. But next is LUST, which should be good. QUICK, though, I need help for Zoë! I've got everyone except her!


	7. Everything I Want

Disclaimer: not mine. If it _was_ mine, it'd still be on the air, and Wash wouldn't have died. WASH! –Bawls–

A/N: Here's LUST, the last. Hope you had fun! I did! Also, many MANY thanks to RionaEire, who inspired Book's section here, and others throughout this fic. You're awesome. And everybody who ever reviewed, favorite-d, alerted, suggested, read, or any combination thereof, you are also awesome. You guys seriously made my life. I will probably be writing another Firefly-fic soon, because you are all so awesome and made me feel like I can write Firefly-speak. Thank you everybody!

Chapter 7: Everything I Want (Lust)

…

_Jayne, Heart of Gold_

Now, I know _gorram_ well what the others think about me. They think I'm stupid, and that I think with my man-parts.

Well, that ain't so.

I mean, I do, sometimes. A lot. Most of the time. But not always.

I guess I did today, really. Although, speakin' honest-like, it wasn't just about the 'lust' part of it (I was listenin' to Shepherd Book talk about sin recently; there wasn't much else to do. I guess some of it stuck or somethin'). I mean, part of it was, sure as hell. But most of what I was doin', was….

Aw, hell.

Look, there ain't nothin' out in the Black. And there ain't no_body_. Well, I mean, there's people, but there ain't _people_ for people like me. The only damn women I ever see are either likely to snap my neck off, moonin' after somebody else, or both. So you'll excuse the hell outta me if I… indulge in what I can't get most days.

It's everything I want, so bite me.

…

_Simon, Movie_

We're gonna die. We are all going to die, and it will be awful and painful and just about the worst possible way to go.

And I honestly don't give a shit.

I finally did it! I finally told Kaylee, to her face, in completely plain and understandable terms, how I felt about her. And she… she feels the same way that I do.

I don't care that we're going to die. That we're going to be raped to death, that we're going to be eaten, and that we're going to have our skins sewn into clothing.

Because Kaylee loves me back.

Screw death, dismemberment and other associated unpleasantness.

This is everything I want.

…

_Zoë, Serenity/Out of Gas (flashback sequence)_

Oh, dear sweet Buddha.

We might've died. Reavers and Feds and Prudence and… well, there's really just one thing left to do now.

And that is Wash.

Maybe it's just adrenaline, or reaction, or whatever, but not only do I love him (as much as ever), I want him. Right now.

But hot damn, the man can _fly_ like nobody I've ever seen before in my life. Saved our asses. Honestly, I can't really believe I disliked him so much at first.

Well, yes I can, I guess. That ridiculous mustache, and the don't-give-a-damn attitude… everything I was _not_ looking for.

_He_ is everything I want.

…

_Wash, Our Mrs. Reynolds_

Oh no. Oh, bad bad bad. This is not good. This is really _really_ not good.

Mal's wife, however weird that sounds, is hitting on me with _mythology_. Really… really cool mythology.

_But_ she's Mal's wife, and I'm married too.

And I love my wife. I really really do. Zoë is strong and smart and beautiful….

And this woman may be… very eloquent, especially when it comes to Earth-That-Was mythology, and she may be really pretty, but she's not my Zoë.

There's nobody like Zoë. Nobody's as tough and brilliant and beautiful and amazing and… well, there's just nobody like her in the 'verse.

Screw mythology.

_She_ is everything I want.

…

_Book, The Message/Objects in Space/Movie_

'_Some shepherds marry, but I follow a narrower path.' 'Wasn't always a shepherd, Mal.'_

I don't think about my past that often. I try not to, at least. There are things that I don't want to remember. Bad things, mostly, but a few good things. Good people.

But the memories of those good people are all… tainted by their endings. The endings of both the memories, and the people.

If I let myself think back, remember them, remember _her_, it hurts more than I can stand. So I don't remember. Not really.

Sometimes I do remember, though. And the oddest times; usually when I'm alone, but occasionally when I'm with Jayne or River.

He reminds me so much of myself, really. Even more than the Captain. Tough idiot who just follows orders, except when opportunity knocks. Then it's every man for himself.

And she reminds me of… someone I lost, long ago. Someone who's death was _my_ fault. Literally.

'_I don't give half a hump whether you're innocent or not, so where does that put you?'_

She was innocent, like River. But I, like the Hands-of-Blue that River is always speaking of, did not care.

I wish, with all my heart, that I could change things, bring her back.

That is everything I want.

…

_Kaylee, Out of Gas (flashback segment)_

This has got to be one of the best days of my life!

First, I meet this guy, who seems real smart 'nd is damn cute, maybe even more than cute. And, he knows about engines! Machines! He's a mechanic on a ship.

So yeah, I _may_ have flirted with him mostly to see the ship. I've never seen the insides of a Firefly, after all, and it's not like I'm gonna get another shot at it. So yes, I kinda used him.

But it just gets better 'n better!

Not only was he just as great as I thought he'd be, he was incompetent at fixin' the engine.

I could do it. An' the Cap'n said that I could _have the job as ship's mechanic_.

So not only do I have a shiny new job on a beautiful ship with some of the nicest people ever, I got the chance to fly all over the 'verse, meet new people, go new places….

This is everything I want.

…

_Inara, War Stories_

I liked the ambassador. I really did.

I like most of my clients (with the notable exception of Atherton Wing), but she was special. Partly because she was female, but there were other reasons.

When I'm… with men, it's difficult not to think of one man in particular. In spite of all my compartmentalizing-training, I can't help thinking of him.

Luckily, I can hide it, so my clients don't sense it, but… it's tiring.

With the ambassador, I don't have to hide anything, because she doesn't remind me of him.

I can… indulge myself, in physical sensations and feelings that I don't usually get to experience fully. With men, I have to keep part of my mind focused on _not_ accidentally saying something…

Inappropriate.

Anyway, I only allow myself this kind of… release once in a while. Too often, and my reputation might be damaged.

Although, honestly, I don't care that much about my reputation anymore. I'm vaguely considering giving up being a Companion.

I won't, ever, but it's a thought.

If I… if I _did_ give it up, I think I know who I would choose as my… life partner, I suppose.

He's everything I want, after all.

…

_Mal, Heart of Gold_

Now, don't get me wrong. I genuinely liked Nandi. Thought she was one of the best gals this side of the 'verse. But I didn't… I didn't love her.

Not like I love…someone else.

Nah, with Nandi it was mostly… the moment, I suppose. Lust? Is that it? I guess. It wasn't love.

Love is… love is different. Love ain't just physical attraction, like lust. Love, if I can wax poetical, makes us do some dumbass things, and it gets under your skin until you can't think about anything else.

So, ok, that wasn't really _poetical_ so much as… I don't know, horrific? Maybe I'm channeling my inner Jayne. Sweet Buddha, that is one of the most nauseatin' thoughts I've ever had in my damn-long life.

Look, my point is, love ain't lust. Lust ain't love. What I felt for Nandi was a mix of friendship, lust, and loneliness.

Lust, you c'n come by any damn day. Love is once, maybe twice in a lifetime.

Love is everything I want.

…

_River, post-Movie_

She can hear their whispers of thought rippling through the ship. Whispers and threads and scraps of thoughts and feelings and wants and longings and fears. They wriggle their way into her mind, murmuring to her the secrets of everyone on the ship.

Two of the streams of quiet singing are merely echoes, bouncing through the ship, repeating the thoughts and wants of two now-dead members of the crew.

'…_if he's got enough rosemary….'_

'…_think we should call it your grave! Now die!...'_

'…_or not, so where does that put you?'_

'_Wife soup….'_

Another of the whispers used to twine with one of the echoes, but now just murmurs on alone, constantly calling for the lost one. Longing twists through her soft, broken thoughts, always always always focused on her dead husband. The girl shies away from those thoughts. They sting and burn and make her want to weep.

Other thoughts, brighter, shinier, warmer, beckon her wandering mind.

She avoids one pair, because one of the pair is her brother, and the way his thinking curls around another's is distinctly _not_ brotherly, and the girl doesn't want to hear her brother's….

Well.

And another set isn't quite… a set, yet. They will be, and soon, but they have not completely acknowledged the full spectrum of feelings and colors and sparks between them.

The last string of thoughts is comforting, oddly enough. It is the same now as it was the first day she heard them. Except, maybe, a bit warmer and smoother. Less harsh and hate-filled. The man-ape-gone-wrong-thing is still a man-ape-gone-wrong, but she doesn't believe he would call the Hands of Blue now. She believes that, if he was put back on Ariel, things would play out differently. But he is still mostly the same, and is content with his life.

The girl wishes with all her heart that the others were as content as the man-ape-gone-wrong. She wishes that some of them hadn't changed, that others hadn't vanished.

That is everything she wants.

…

A/N: TA-DAA! It's LUST! And it's not just sex-lust, although most of them at least touch on sex. And yes, the bit with Book was… well, it was basically a lie, I guess, but I had to kind of fudge what little reality we're given for Book's past. I figure that there's probably _something _along those lines that happened, maybe something to push him over the edge and make him become a Shepherd, so I made somethin' up. Anyways, please review, and thanks again for reading Seven Deadlies!


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